Salam Sanitarium

Lonely...

Do you know what it feels like to be lonely? Wasting my last teenage years couping at home. I yearn for the days where I would go home late because of the activities I'd happily spent with my companions. There weren't many to start with; that's why I'm treasuring all of them. Now I feel that I'm becoming more of a boring person. Possibly because I did not go out at all. This is where I'm getting personal.

Last time I channeled all my time towards studying. No time for Internet, no time for puberty-induced activities. That is why my circle is small. I remembered that the picket of us would enjoy studying together, playing LAN games after school or even joked and mocked alot of the things that aren't up to our expecatations. Though my participation is minimal due to my study commitments, I must say that I share lots of interests with them. Lots of it. That's why I regard them as my close friends.

Because of the above, I tend to define that friends are the one who share the same interests as me. Thus I'm very picky when it comes into play. I do not care if you are a male or female, as long as you like what I like, I like you. (I'm no homo) As my evolution of personalities continue, I find myself having lesser of true friends. The circle is closing in for me. Consequently, I direct all my thoughts, dreams, discussions, comments only to my maternal relatives as always as they've understood me very well. Just can't go wrong without this. For example, whoever misses their childhood memories? People I talked to about this just simply say 'Just move on...'. Move on where? More misery of the adulthood? I agree that this is unavoidable for all humans, but reminiscing back just helps you realize of the stepping stones and mistakes you promise not to repeat in the near future. At the same time, relive those memories that carve you to who you are now. If you get to share this and find that the other individuals have the same thoughts as you did, wouldn't it be better? This makes me feel the warmth inside, and I would like to spend more with that person too, if more similarities lie ahead.

But the questions lie...

Is it me who have changed alot? New interests profound me that does not concern the majority?
Is it the world who is constantly rotating? My inability to catch up with the trends of teenagers?
Is it the humans around me who evolves just like I am? The thought of 'survival of the fittest'?

Let's just leave this for you to decide. Part of this is the reason why I can't wait to leave this school. Good memories, bad memories. Looking back I realize it's the same cycle for me. But I guess this is life, huh? The roller coaster ride. Hopefully after NS, I'll go to a new school, get a part-time job and accomplishing things I'm unable to in my teenage years. Making new cliques, rise to the top and chasing my dreams. A new moniker. I'm serious.

Hoping none of the mistakes dealing with friends from what I've gone through these three stages of institutions will be repeated nor haunt me in Chapter 22.

Salam Sanitarium :(

This article is kept ambiguous and is not targeted nor intended to readers like you! Or at least that's what you think...

Sometimes I think I need counseling. I think I really do...